What is it that makes it so hard to hear the Passion read out loud. Is it the suffering of Jesus? Is it seeing the incredible cruelty of which humanity is capable? Is it being reminded of our own suffering reflected in the story.
When we read the Passion, like we did tonight, we hear of betrayal, cowardice, self-centeredness, fear, power, and manipulation. It’s hard to imagine how people could be so cruel.
Yet, when we hear this story, we hear echoes of ourselves. We have had times in our lives when we have been afraid and acted out of that fear. We have had times when we have denied someone else, kept quiet when we could have spoken up. We see our own shortcomings, our weaknesses, our sins played out in this story.
This is hard enough. But we also see our personal suffering on display. We see the mourning mother experience the horror of her son’s death. Who have you lost? Who do you still grieve? We see Jesus’ agony at being betrayed by Judas’ kiss. Not just Jesus was betrayed that night, but so were all his friends and followers. Have you ever been betrayed by someone you loved and trusted?
I once heard about an ancient tradition of theological reflection where people wondered what it was Jesus did in that part of the Apostles Creed where it says, “He descended into hell.” What was he doing during that time in hell? One of the theories is that he was looking for Judas. He was looking for the one who betrayed him to get an opportunity to forgive him.
I can easily imagine Jesus looking for his friend Judas to tell him he was forgiven. Just like Jesus comes looking for us who have all let him down in one way or another in our lives. He comes looking for each one of us, each one of his friends, so he can tell us that we’re forgiven, that we’re loved, that it’s all going to be okay.
Jesus offered forgiveness to the soldiers who nail him to the cross and to the one who betrayed him. But what about the suffering of the ones who were betrayed? Christ offers forgiveness to the perpetrators of sin, what about the victims?
One year I attended a Lenten retreat while I was actively working in my therapy on an unresolved memory of having been abused as a child. I had been reliving the shame and self doubt and struggling with how to let go and heal the very deep wounds I still carried. I was reflecting upon the common statements that Christ died for our sins. Or that He died for sinners. Or that He died to take away our sins. As I prayed in front of a crucifix I agonized over the question, “What about the victim?”
I knew the perpetrator had been forgiven, but where does that leave the victim? Where did I, as a survivor of abuse, fit in this salvation story?
Then I was drawn to the center of Christ’s chest, to the wide open area between the outstretched arms. To his heart, broken open by torture. And I saw, I knew, that Christ died to take upon himself our pain, our suffering, whether we are in pain due to the guilt we carry or we are in pain because of what has be done to us. He holds it all in that wide open heart. He holds the shame and the grief and the sorrow of the victim. He holds the guilt of the abuser. He holds it all.
And he comes looking for us to say that it is all going to be okay.
In fact, it’s going to be more than okay. Out of the sadness of our lives, out of the tragedy of our lives, out of the things we do wrong, and out of the things that have been done to us, Jesus can bring hope. He can take each part of us that is dead or dying and he can transform it, heal it, forgive it, love it, and resurrect it.
He can transform that which is most painful and turn it into a source healing and strength that can empower us to help others and begin to heal the world.