I would like to start, by saying on behalf of everyone who calls St. Matthias their spiritual home, that we are delighted that you, Jasmine and David, chose this as the place you wanted to be married. We know we were not your first choice, or your second, or your third. You could have chosen any number of lovely venues for your special day. But you wanted a church, you wanted to start your marriage surrounded by those dearest to you in a church.
But somehow God led you here to this place, a church that is almost 100 years old, that has seen hundreds of weddings, thousands of worship services and celebrations. You chose this place created for God’s people to gather; a sacred space where you knew the Holy Spirit would be present and become an integral part of your union from the start. So bravo to you.
And to all of you, family and friends, for being here today. Some of you have traveled long distances. And what a blessing that is. Your very presence consecrates this occasion every bit as much as the prayers and blessings we will speak today. So bravo to you as well.
Jasmine and David, your choice of readings today says so much about the path you’ve both chosen and your longings for what your married life together will be.
The reading today from First Corinthians begins in such a tender but gripping way. It tells us first what life is like without love: it describes living a life that may seem purposeful and focused, maybe with an accumulation of intellectual knowledge and a lot of things or wealth - and even a willingness to give away that wealth, even one’s own name.
But in the end we’re just blustering our way through our days making a lot of noise … if we don’t have love. If we’re not saturated with love in what we say and do … we’re lost. And none of it matters.
There’s a popular story about a teacher who asked her 1st grade students to define “love” – and one of the best answers was from Jeremy who said, “love is when you know your name is safe in the other person’s mouth.”
In all those lovely verses, Paul doesn’t exactly give us a process for love. Wouldn’t it be nice if he did? There’s no step-by-step here. But he says, in effect, I can’t define love but I know it when I see it. And where there is love, I see this: patience, kindness, honesty, hopefulness. I don’t see jealousy or resentment or one-upsmanship. It’s all about patience, kindness, honesty, hopefulness. That’s love. Lasting love.
Those qualities of love that Paul describes are what the ancient Greeks called “agape” love. It is the ultimate form of love. It is – selfless, seeking first and foremost all day every day the well-being of the other person. It is love without conditions, without reservation, putting our own needs and agenda on hold so that we can unreservedly offer our partner love without judging their worthiness.
Agape love is not primarily a feeling, but choices – one after another after another – choices put into action. And all for the thriving of our beloved. That’s what we’re about here today. That’s the goal. That’s the longing.
To be fully known and accepted must be one of the deepest longings of the human heart. To have nothing hidden. To never be turned away.
“You are the salt of the earth and the light of the world" Jesus says. Not you will be – but you already are. Jasmine and David, both of you bring salt and light into your marriage. In the short time I’ve had the pleasure of knowing you, you’ve shared how your dreams and goals are so closely in sync with each other, how you continue to discover wonderful qualities about each other. You go into this fully ready to share all that you are and pour all that you have into your married identity.
Salting something is a way of preserving from decay that which is precious. Light reveals truth, reveals God. And light drives out darkness and the destructive forces that lurk in shadows. You both have long been beacons of light – as a teacher and as someone called to bring healing. Your saltiness preserves goodness and your light is a spiritual guide, leading others to God through your actions and teachings.
That’s a lot. Those are big tasks. That’s a good reason to do them with a partner, a beloved.
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a memoir called “Eat, Pray, Love.” She also wrote one on marriage called “Committed” because, she said, she needed to “make peace with that complicated thing we call marriage.” In it she wrote about being known. To be fully known, to be fully seen by someone and to be loved anyhow - this an offering that can border on the miraculous. It is miraculous indeed. Because to be fully seen is to have both our courage and our cowardice, our tenderness and our temper, our faith and our fear – all of it - held in the gaze of one who does not flinch, with the one person so committed to you that you know your name is safe in their mouth.
Every week we begin our worship service with a prayer to God says “to you all hearts are open, all desires known and from you no secrets are hid.” And I think this implies “and yet… you love us.” They are words of an intimate knowing. Of Divine knowing. Today, that divine knowing, blesses you and sends you out into the world as one, salt and light saturated.
Up until this moment, you have been many things to one another. And in a few moments, you will say to each other words that will take you over a new threshold of life.
If you notice, the liturgy doesn’t require you to answer the question, do you love each other. Instead, you will be asked, Will you love each other in the spirit and truth of agape love. Will you continue in the work of becoming the person you were created to be, all salt and light, so that the person beside you can do the same?
May you always find yourselves in one another. May you keep striving towards that unconditional, agape love so that you will always be able to say,
“See this man, see this woman,
he is my best friend,
she is my helper,
he is my joy, my lover, and
she is my playmate, my heart.
This is my husband,
this is my wife,
whom I will love forever.”
Amen. Let it be so.
